Sex Sells - The Old Adage #WriterlyWednesdays

Sex Sells - The Old Adage

There has long been the adage that sex sells. This has been used in the advertising industry a great deal and usually ends up sexist in some way or other, which is very frustrating. It is also used in fiction, be it written or other media and, in some cases, seems to have been crow-bared in just because.

We only have to look at 70s and 80s horror films for examples of this. How often does a young woman suddenly have her boobs on show for no apparent reason? Even Fright Night II did it and it wasn't even the vampires! Don't even get me started on the random 'let's have sex' scenes that strike out of nowhere - the forward button was invented for a reason.

And HBO have made a winning line-up by adding sex into their shows - sometimes well, sometimes not so well.

In written fiction it is the same. Some books seem to think they have to have some sex, just because it's the in thing, and it can be the most hideous addition in the world 😩. There is The Bad Sex in Fiction Award to point out just how bad it can get.

Here's something that some writers don't seem to get:

Good sex is hard to write.

(https://media.giphy.com/media/aWPGuTlDqq2yc/giphy.gif)

I know, this is shocking news to some, including some really big names. 😎

It's just like every other kind of scene - it takes practice to write well, and some are good at it and others aren't.

Here's another bit of news - we don't all have to be good at sex scenes, and fade to black can work just as well in some cases.

Personally, I like writing sex. Not gonna lie. It can be fun, but it's still hard to get right. I spent a very long time writing fanfiction (and still do), which is a fabulous arena in which to learn such arts because it's a very open and helpful place. Sex is also a mainstay. That is not to say all fanfiction is about sex or even has sex, but it is definitely not taboo and is usually very well received. Fandoms are also usually full of wonderful people ready to give advice on those first awkward scenes that every writer comes up with when it comes to sexy times.

And while mainstream porn is almost always geared to the male gaze, fandom spaces are very often geared towards the female gaze and those of a like mind. This tends to lead to very different output.

Now I'm not going to kink shame here or point fingers, but, from my point of view, sex should be sensual. When a scene is written along the lines of slot A and peg B (if you get my drift 😎), it could be Ikea instructions for all the interest it holds for me.

(https://media.giphy.com/media/U3ZrL8wsOlheVmTMsH/giphy.gif)

And I've written scenes like that. Some of my first drafts come out like that and it's only the second and third edits that make them anything readable for me. Like I mentioned above, crafting a good sex scene is the same as crafting any other good scene - it takes times.

Also - research is our friend. We wouldn't write a scene about brain surgery without at least having a little idea what we were on about, and sex deserves the same consideration. Especially if we're stepping into an area that needs understanding, like BDSM *side-eyes Fifty Shades*.

I'll also admit that I have to be in the right mood to write a sex scene. 

There are two types of scene I have to be in the right mood for: 

• sex scenes
  and 
• fight scenes. 

Looking at it I suppose they are quite similar - usually two people interacting physically in close quarters 😂. If I'm not in the right mood my fight scenes turn our boring and my sex scenes aren't sexy. This, of course, can be rectified by editing, but usually I leave my sex scenes and fight scenes until the right mood strikes. If I'm lucky, reading similar scenes I have written before will actually help the mood to strike 😉.

Another big turn off for me in mainstream sex scenes are the wild euphemisms some writers come up with. Read it aloud people - if it makes us or anyone who hears it laugh, we've chosen the wrong word! Purple prose is not our friend at the best of times, and in sex scenes this is doubly so! If our rugged Highlander is suddenly thinking of his penis as a love-piston, yep, we're more than likely doing it wrong 😂.

So IMHO enjoyable sex scenes need the following things:

• sensuality (not just slot A and peg B)
• feelings (and no this doesn't have to be lovely-dovey stuff, but there has to be a connection between the characters even if it's just mutual pleasure or working off some stream)
• consent (note I said enjoyable above, and for it to be enjoyable, it has to be consensual)
• not purple (if anyone calls it a molten core, I will laugh)
• safe sex where appropriate (in some cases it isn't needed/appropriate, but when you have a modern setting with human beings, especially at the beginning of a relationship, safe sex is a great way to go)
• physically possible (check the details - sometimes what we see in our head is not what ends up on the page)

Oh and, just a tip, make sure your characters have taken their clothes off, or at least exposed the areas required. I did once write a sex scene and only my beta pointed out one of the guys had yet to take his trousers off. 😂

So, are you a fan of sex scenes, or do you prefer fade to black? Does a sex scene have to have certain broad elements to interest you? Did I miss anything off my list above?

If you're wondering why the sudden opinions about sex scenes, watch this space, some news coming soon.