So everyone who has read this blog for long knows I love vampires, right? Well today, rather than highlighting some great monster, I'm going to highlight some really bad one. These are the vampire movies I own or have owned in the past that are definitely worth a miss :). Enjoy!
Fangs, But No Thanks - 10 Terrible Vampire FilmsNow I will forgive a vampire films many things: bad special effects, low budget, dodgy sets, bad acting. However all of these are so bad that I can never forgive them and they all have one thing in common - they make the vampire movie boring. For that there is no excuse!
Of course, this is just my opinion, you are most welcome to disagree with me :).
Mama Dracula (1980)
Reasons I really dislike this film:
- the vampire are ugly and I'm not sure it's intentional
- the plot is pedestrian and boring
- it's not funny and I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be.
- Even Louise Fletcher can't save it and she's usually good at pulling a bad film out of the mire.
Vampire Knights (1988)
Reasons I have never rewatched this film:
- the effects are so cheap it looks like their fangs are about to fall out
- the budget is so low when they move from the living room into the kitchen the lighting completely changes because I think they're using the actual lights in the room
- there is no plot.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
Reasons never to watch this film:
- the lead actor clearly hated his wig do much that the first thing Jesus does is get a hair cut
- there is a musical number that has to be seen to be believed
- the plot makes no sense and requires fast forward in several places
- there are absolutely no likeable characters in the whole thing.
Reasons to avoid this at all costs:
- I couldn't figure out what the plot was supposed to be
- the acting defies belief
- the budget doesn't help
- it was just nasty.
Against the Dark (2009)
There are simply two reasons to avoid this one:
- it's not entertaining
- Steven Seagal is pretentious and made me want to punch him.
Reasons to give this a miss:
- the plot just isn't satisfying
- the acting is terrible
- it's just not very interesting.
- They are BORING!
Fright Night (2011)
Reasons I really don't like this film:
- they wrecked the best scene in the whole movie - Ed's big moment
- Jerry Dandrige should be sophisticated and suave, Colin Farrell plays a construction worker version of him
- not even David Tennant could make me like this film
- the 3D in the cinema made it impossible to watch.
Vampire's Kiss (1988)
DON'T BE FOOLED
Boring, boring, boring and not really about vampires.
Lost Boys II: The Tribe (2008)The Lost Boys and they completely screwed it up.
Reasons to avoid this film:
- the plot is just a rehash of the first one
- the rehash isn't as well written
- the vampires aren't remotely threatening
- Angus Sutherland is truly terrible as Shane
- even Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman) can save it.
However, if you are a Lost Boys fan - the third on The Thirst, is actually pretty good :)
Vampire Killer Barbys (1996)
Reasons to never, ever watch this film:
- it has no plot - it's just a vehicle for bad music
- the effects are terrible
- the music is worse.
Did you spot the