Saturday, 21 April 2012

TW: 100Things #4 Review Dead Cert

So for today's entry I'm bringing you a review of a film I bought on DVD a couple of weeks ago.

Title: Dead Cert
Rating: 18
Cast: Dexter Fletcher, Danny Midwinter, Steven Berkoff, Lisa McAllister, Craig Fairbrass, Billy Murray
Synopsis: Freddie Frankham is opening a nightclub in London's East End. He used to be a big part of the London underworld and still has contacts in it, but it's not London mobsters he has to worry about. The Russians are moving in and these Russians have fangs.

I'd give it 3 our of 5 stars - not hideous, but not stunning either.

Okay, so how shall I put this? Dead Cert is what I would call a very British film. It's gritty and down right nasty in places, more like a London gangster movie than a vampire piece and yet still managed to make me believe vampires were invading London.

I really enjoyed the beginning of this film and the end, but I have to say the middle was deadly slow. We watched some of it in fast forward because we couldn't be bothered to sit through it, but we wanted to know what happened. This boils down to the fact the plot's good enough to keep a viewer interested, but the execution isn't always stellar.

The effects are good, the script not bad, the acting is good, but the overall plot has issues. If you're a vampire fan then you'll probably enjoy it, especially the end, but be ready with the remote to skip the boring bits.

Thus ends my spoiler free review and read on only if you want to know details of the plot.


The film opens with an illegal boxing match in which most of the lead characters prove they are vicious bastards; which probably didn't help me to sympathise with them, because these are the good guys. This is what I mean by gritty. It was like a soap opera where the characters are trying to be "real" and in the end you don't really like any of them. In fact I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to like any of them, you're just supposed to cheer for the good guys because the bad guys are soulless bloodsuckers.

It's easier to sympathise with Freddie, the main male character, once you find out he's opening a night club and is actually trying his best to stay out of the gangster game for the sake of his wife. Dexter Fletcher has the real lowlife character Eddie who still has his hand in every pot and has no qualms about killing people in the slightest.

Now I could stomach the whole night club being built on ground sacred to the infamous vampire "The Wolf". I can totally deal with the guy who everyone thinks is crazy, but has actually been guarding the site to stop "The Wolf" coming back; after all someone has to clue everyone in to what is actually going on. What I really wanted to hit my head against the wall about was the utter stupidity of Freddie and how he gave the vampires an in.

You've just opened a nightclub (and I mean, literally, the bad guys visited the opening night). This has been your dream for years and you've finally managed to do it so you can make a name for yourself without knee capping people. You have many members of staff relying on you for their livelihood now. So what do you do? You bet the whole thing against a million pounds with a strange Russian mobster you've only just met on a boxing match. Even if your brother-in-law is the best damn fighter on the scene, the brick shit house of a Russian is likely to not play fair.

How moronic can you get?

I totally get "The Wolf" can't buy the place, because, vampires, invites etc, but please, come up with a better premise than testosterone.

The rest of it was pretty solid, but some parts were under used. Like Dennis the boxer who gets his head kicked in by the brick shit house Russian, who also happens to be a vampire. They brought him back as a revenant type character, thanks to the brain damage. Nice touch, but under worked and he could have been used in far more interesting ways.

It was also hideously obvious who the Judas character was right from the start. If he'd had a neon sign above his head saying "I will betray everyone" it couldn't have been clearer :). He was still great though and his comeuppance was cool.

Don't get me wrong, I think there are problems with this movie, but I still like it and I will watch it again. The ending was superb: down and dirty and beautifully done. All in all, not bad, just never going to be a classic.

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